i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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