I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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