Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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