My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
