omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
sarcasm needs its own font
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
