you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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