Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I checked into jail on foursquare
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
