I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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