what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My bed smells like the plague
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
