Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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