Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
