my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
