ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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