it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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