So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
