when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
