How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
