K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
