ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
