We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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