Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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