You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
