I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
