Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
