yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
