How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm at about main and main street
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
