THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
