Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
