Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
