Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
