right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
