I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
