even my farts smell like vagina
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
