sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
When are your genitals available?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
