i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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