No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
