you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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