Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Houston, we have a blender
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
