just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
