so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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