i think my tv is drunk
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
