U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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