So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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