Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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