He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
