what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
