Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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