"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
