He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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