I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
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