Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
