i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
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I think my fart just growled at me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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