Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
