So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
