I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
