It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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