11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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