I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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