I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
