Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
