She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
